initially,

i wanted to blog about something quite beautiful
then i read something that disgusted me
just plain disgusting
a man reveling in someone else's pain that he inflicted upon her
plain
DISGUSTING
i don't buy the pat pat beautiful sorrow shit
a man soaking his ego in someone's tears, tears pining for him
that maketh a man NOT
a man who cared would not let her cry as the expense she pays for his own pleasure
(no there is no typo there)
if you can watch her cry and still stand apart
please show yourself to the door
i don't have to describe who, because if he reads my blog
he'll know who he is
you are a fucking shrunken peanut in my books,
all that big cock talk you are so famed for..
they say ppl who talk big have small things to hide


then i read something else that made me think
oh god, i hope she gets everything she deserves
because she's such a beautiful person
to my accidental natan, GO GO GO!

then i realised
it can be beautiful and disgusting
irreconcilible?
hmm

one of the most difficult part of the day is in the morning
just when i wake
and do my morning shit
then i step out

and in the courtyard
there is always a gathering of old ladies
funny how they look so alike
short curly white hair
cropped in the same style
hooded eyes from droopy eylids
silk tops and pants in that flowery ah mah fashion
chatting,
living out the rest of their lives in peace,
after having weathered and survived all the storms in their youth
god i wish i were there,
so at peace with the world

then i get to the bus stop
there is a young mom
who brings her young boy to kindy
he's always dressed in a yellow button up shirt and green shorts
chubby
with a pot belly
round face
and beautiful big eyes with long lashes
and he is so sweet and obedient
we get on the same bus
he gets off with his mom
the mom walks home after that
the innocence of an age where you don't know the dark side of life even if it looked you in the eyes

then a skinny young boy comes on the bus
with his granny
also on their way to kindy
he is wearing a white button up with blue trim and blue shorts
he's not so obedient
in fact sometimes his granny is trying to keep him still and shouting at him
he is not your regular cute child
he's got those chinese eyes which are not particularly big
yet there is something about him
he's a naughty boy who does all the monkey things ppl of his age get up to
we get off at the train station
i wish him a good life ahead
be a good boy and grow up to be a good man
don't waste that intelligence on being an asshole
but he somehow gives me that vibe that says he won't be an asshole unless something goes terribly wrong

then i get on that train
and join the other fucktards in our 'real' world