the long awaited (the cat)

I suppose most people who know me relatively well enough
know my hospitality knows no bounds
my house (overseas) was always open to friends

however those who know me well enough
also know how private i am and how my house
really, isn't open to just any tom dick and harry prick

however,
when you are abroad
you are alone
and we just have to take care of each other
and i do follow this as i too, have been taken care of by others kind enough to open their homes and arms to me

on top of that
i also understand the importance of having a second home
a place outside of your own home
to relax unwind and just chill
possibly not many people understand just as much as i do
the benefits and the need for some people to have a second home

in keeping with that
i have always welcomed friends to my home with open arms
when i say "treat this like your own house"
i really mean "treat this like your own house"
why.. some even feel so comfortable they help themselves to things in the fridge
and the "family tea" ;)
friends who just wanted a place to chill
friends who just wanted company
friends who needed a shoulder to cry on
all were welcome any time of day and night
friends of dah were also welcome and no exception
most (the sluts excluded) were also very welcome

in that fashion i came to know of two people
one of whom i became friends with on my own accord
and counted as my personal friend too..
or so i thought..
until...

you know.. its amazing
how you can let someone in your house
and how you could be extremely hospitable to them
because you were sensitive to their sensitive nature
enough to know that any shortfall in hospitality
would be picked up as an insult
a hidden barb
a thing with some hidden nasty meaning
(yeah... we all know people like that don't we)
and yet
for all your friendship that you extended to them
they repay you with unkind words

worse,
with unkind words behind your back
i mean..
in keeping with his definition of respect
i could call him a bastard
but i don't
(see i am keeping to d's kind advice on being impartial and not calling names)

some nights you don't come down to entertain the lot of them
because you were too tired
but nonetheless they were no less welcome
welcome to stay as long as they wanted
and the one who calls himself "Circus"
could still find fault with you

here is a little known fact about me
that i never really liked to tell people
but i think i can find the courage to share now
really, in no short way, thanks to Circus
my nights are plagued by nightmares
the nights on which i don't dream
you don't know how rare that is

so through the years
i have made a discovery
the idiot box
really is an idiot box
it sends one off on a mind numbing journey
to an equaly numb minded sleep
or at the very least
in my over active night brain..
i can dream about the show on the idiot box
so it was that i like to sleep in front of the tv
on my couch
and even more so when there are others there too
who keep me at that level of sleep and wakefulness
where your subconcious does not take over
and give you nightmares

so i find myself plonked out in front of the tv alot
and that..
sleeping on my own couch
he too..
could find fault with
and say nasty things about

fine and fair some might say..
its only natural
but hey buddy,
the least he could've done was ask me no?
before going around and telling people behind my back
that i invite him over but yet i don't really want him to be there..

his good pal, christiano,
claims that circus did not go around telling the whole world
while christiano may believe that wholeheartedly
and when he tells me to trust him on it he really does think it is true
i believe he thinks that is really true
but at the same time,
when others comfirm to me what that this person was prattling..
well..
how else would they know if i had not mentioned anything to them?

that i like football is not secret
that i was on the school female football team is an even lesser secret
that i was in fact captain of the school is not a fact i shout about so not many people know
that i indulge my brother in the occasional football game on his ps2 is nothing i hide either
and yet
my 'friend'
could find fault with that

i'm sorry i am not fanatic over the game
but then... i'm really not that fanatic over anything other than justice
he could accuse me of pretensions
pretending to be into the game
just so i could find excuses to join my dah
and be 'possesive' over him in that way

(how one can be possesive in that way.. search me.. i don't know.. i must be possesed to know the answer to that!)

apparently,
according to what i understand of circus' definition of being a fan
you gotta know every little thing about it
right down to the size of their penises..
ok so maybe not so much there la...
but you gotta know everything there is to know
then and then only can you qualify as a true fan

from what i understand of being a fan
a true fan never turns away others who are interested in the game
a true fan never puts down others who are there to learn about the game
a true fan never never says and discourages others who love the game too
a true fan is always willing to share his/her passion

and yet..
he calls himself a true fan
i mean..
i could say to him..
go join the tifosi or start your local ultras group, if you are so crazy about things
but i respect him you know,
so i don't

and then he has the gumption to lecture me on respect
pfft..
i'm sure you all can deduce my stand on that
respect doesn't include prattle i don't think

the best part?
i don't know..
he might think he's married to my dah
either him or me
i mean..
dah likes to say he wants to sell his backside
but whether he really does.. well..

the way he went up to him
the gumption involved
really struck me to the core
that this person,
accusing me of being possesive
should really have been talking about himself instead

the best part of the best part?
he had the nerve to tell my dah
"i tot you should know"

i'm sorry pal,
if you saw the hurt i saw
i would've punched you and you would have said you deserved it
if you saw the pain you caused
you would've asked me to cut off your balls

no one
and i re-iterate
NO ONE
does that to those i love
and gets away with it

he only got away with it cos dah asked me to let him
i swear
till this day
when i think of the look on dah's face
i could really really slap circus
and most of you know
how i abhorr violence and would never raise a hand to anyone
except under extreme circumstances

even if one day,
dah were not my dah anymore,
i swear,
the moment i think of that look
i could still slap him silly
because
that action told me
how selfish this person really was
under all his pretensions of being a good friend
that action told me
how calculative this person really was
under all his pretensions of being a chin chai guy

and i also realised
how he never says anything good about anyone
without qualifying it

he has issues with girls
he can almost never find something good to say about them
even his good pal's girlfriends are not spared
"so and so is nice, really quite nice, BUT..., But other than that quite nice la"
but then again he also seems to have issues with everyone ..
and i mean everyone male or female, friends or not

he dared to tell me,
go to re-evaluate myself
he dared to say
"should he accept mediocricity?"

well..
no one in the world is perfect
and if you dont' want to accept "mediocricity"
there's always the option of becoming a hermit

to which i answered and till this day still answer
look at yourself before you criticise others
only when we are aware of our own flaws
can we then judge others
because when we are aware of our own flaws
perhaps we might be a little bit kinder
and accept our friends for who they are
and not the mould of god they may not be

i for one
opened my house to him
was never less than kind with him
and this is what i get?
no thanks.

my hospitality is perhaps unparalelled by most
but that is not to say it can be abused in this manner either
such an abuse of my hospitality
i take it as an abuse of my own self
and please
i never tolerated bullies in any shape form or size
and he is not exception

take your dead cat back
eat it
keep it
whatever
that i was not nice to you
is an outright lie
that i was anything other than a friend to you
(with no other motives other than to be friends with someone i thought interesting)
would be grossly untrue
that i didn't treat him with respect
well.. i was not the one spreading untruths formulated from my own over imaginative
and over-presumptuous and petty mind

so i am standing up for myself
let it be known
that i treated this guy almost like my own brother
and this was how he thought of me
and what he did to me in the end

i will not hide behind dah
in that cowardly way he did
fear not, for i shall inform christiano of this blog
for the simple reason that i don't really need this kind of shit
i had him removed from my contacts list
so it will be up to christiano to let his good friend know

i did not stand up for myself the last time because there was someone holding me back
plus at that time i was still weak and recovering
now i am stronger

and ps: i told dah to tell him to shut up, becuase really, something he was saying were getting out of hand and dah was also upset with him. but did we ever go telling stories behind his back and not being friends with him for it? nop.. din't think so

that whole sorry episode with that guy
had one good thing that came out of it
when i look at my real friends,
whose that when i was in need
even went as far to offer to take flights out to see me
to be my shoulder to cry on
thank god i have real friends like that

god bless you all and i hope you guys will never have an episode like that with someone you could say was a wolf hiding under sheeps' skin